An open letter to the media

Dearest agents of the bourgeois press,

Whatever Works came out last week, Woody Allen and Larry David together at last, the wet dream of every narcotic New Yorker!  Not unlike neo-classical economics it sounds better in theory than in practice. Nonetheless, I knew I would end up watching the whole film for the same reason I sat through Righteous Kill. Yet for some reason I decided to find out what your snarky film critics thought about it.  Being the internet-savvy young man that I am I did a quick Google News search for “Whatever Works” (intuitive huh?).  Here are the unedited titles of the first few results:

Woody Allen's Latest: Works Like a Charm TIME

'Whatever Works' doesn't for Woody Allen Los Angeles Times

Woody Allen's 'Whatever Works' doesn't USA Today

Woody Allen's 'Whatever Works' not working that well New York Daily News

Review: Allen's `Whatever Works' not quite working Associated Press

Being a movie star 'Works' for Larry David Miki Turner

Woody Allen still knows what 'Works' The Examiner

In Allen's 'Whatever Works,' Not Much Does Kenneth Turan

'Whatever Works' for Larry David: Not Much, Thanks Blackbook Magazine

Woody Allen hopes Whatever Works The Examiner

In a world where Antonio Meucci, Elisha Gray and Alexander Graham Bell all invented the telephone independently of each other, these writers really should’ve realized that dozens of other hacks were going to get just as cute with the title “Whatever Works”.

Please eradicate the “Dane Cooks” of the written-word involved with the publication of the aforementioned articles or at the very least prepare to ship them to reeducation camp to get review-title writing lessons from A.O. Scott.  That is of course after DSA and the New Party team up with Obama to open those FEMA death camps for people who won’t turn in their guns or submit to marathon viewing sessions of Queer Eye (speaking of that, don’t forget about Friday night!).

PS: Thanks for doing your best to cover up the whole “Muslim-radical-Marxist” thing-- Barack Hussein sends his comradely regards. 

In solidarity,

Bhaskar Big Bhask da Boss

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